Jaime’s Nirvana

I haven been blogging a lot recently… very tired mentally n physically because of all the exam n all the distractions. Not feeling very well recently n it became worse today. Took a cab back fr work today despite the expensive fare coz I totally hv no energy to make my way back by MRT.

I have been learning a lot since I joined this company, they hv been drilling us with a lot of knowledge on insurance. I din know tat we hv to know so much before purchasing an insurance policy. We alws hear tat ppl mentioned bout being con by insurance company, actually the truth is they hv been cheated by insurance agent coz their agent failed to disclose all the important points to them which result in them buying the wrong product or failed to claim. They are a lot of unscrupulous agent out there who r out to achieve their sales target through underhand mean. They can easily do that coz they are still a lot of people who doesn’t know how insurance works and wat they can do to protect their rights. I was even shocked when I read bout agent can be fined or even jailed if they fail to comply with all the mandatory requirements such as giving out name card!!! This job doesn’t sound fun at all after all…

Nway they are some pretty interesting facts that I read about, will blog in the future. Now I hv to get back to my studies… still got another 5 papers to go, the more stress I am the more I feel like talking to someone, I guess blogging is one of my way to de stress…… cant wait till the weekend for my special appointment…au revoir.

I have been in singapore for almost one and the half year. Before coming here I had alws portrayed Singapore as a clean, developed and fun country with lots of opportunities. Never did I expect that actually I hv got myself into the RAT RACE here without realising. Imagine many many rats running around in the maze, bumping into each other and making a lot of irritating noise trying to get the only cheese in an unreachable part of the maze. YUP I m one of them now!!!

This week of break allow me to catch a breathe n stand out of the track. When u r out of it, u tend to see things clearer and able to see things at a different perspective. In a rat race, competition is inevitable, and they say it is a way to motivate us to strive harder. But I think competition will also bring out the ugly side of human. Its in our human nature to want to win, if there’s a winner there will alws be a loser too. I have seen cases which years of frenship turn bitter because of the competition. Friends gathering is no more a chance for us to care for each other but a time out of the race to see the score. People who are leading will try all means to remain leading and those who are losing out will also resort to all methods to stay in the race. When conscience cannot withstand the pressure of the desire to win, this is when all the ugly side of human surface.

Along the way of pursuing wat seemingly the ultimate success in life, we tend to neglect things and people around us. wat ever we have, alws seems insufficient that’s because we are becoming more and more greedy and selfish. How much is enough?? We can never figure that out because enough has never been clearly defined. The whole world seems to be revolving around me and myself and no one else. Many people cant get themselves out of this rat race, or I would say they themselves don’t wan to be out of this race either. I am one of them too. To me this race is like an endless and pointless pursuit. I do not know whether I will get the cheese one day or all these are just a futile effort. Mean time I can just continue in the race till I can find an exit to this rat race……

PS I have a lot of frens asking bout my new job, well just to inform everyone here that my new job title is Financial Service Consultant and my new employer is Prudential. So if anyone of u needed any advice on investment and insurance, do come to me!!

I AM VERY STRESS…. weird .. i m suppose to feel relax for my holiday now,, but y am i feeling so stress??? anyone interested to go to the beach?? i need to be near to the sea to destress….

Itsa another beautiful sunday…. woke up really early today to hv bak kut teh with QQ they all. He drove his new car to pick us up!!! During out breakfast, we were discussing bout a trip to TAIWAN. i wanna go too!!!! which means i hv to go apply for leave on my first day work in my new company, i must be day dreaming. nway i ll try too.

ever since the hong kong trip, i been wanting to go for another trip…n this is really a good time. n with a tour mate like ah qiang, i think we will be able to fully utilise our time there!!!

i hv been thinking how good it would be if i dun hv to work anymore and just go touring. the only way i think i can achieve this is to either marry a rich man or to be mistress of a rich man or to strike toto HAHA, which i think are impossible. so i think i ll still hv to slog for the rest 30 yrs.

everyone will hv a place the really wanna visit, and the place that i really wanna visit is isle of Capri in Italy. i heard this place from MRs Chin, and according to her this place is like a heaven. i definitely trust her word coz she has been to almost half of the world. will write a blog on this when i m free… gotta go!!!

Finally I have moved all my stuff to my new place. I am very proud of myself coz I did it all on my own ( xcept that SK did move a box for me). I have been trying to be tough and independent for people around me, but this is really tiring.. sometimes I really yearn for some care. After all I m just a simple gal who also need someone to dote on. I remember last time I alws get extra care n help from people around me, I think its because of my soft temper and my “puss in boot” eye. Despite all these, I hv been trying really hard to be independent ever since I came to Singapore…all because of a word from a person who is really important to me and for my family. I think tat I hv already done my best and this is really getting out of hand. I was once told that I m a heart breaker. But am i? I am not very sure but wat I am sure is that everytime I break ppl’s heart, my heart is broken too…

Day 1 without any baby

I still miss all my babies…….

Today is the my last day in TMC. I m so so sad now…. I can no longer see all my babies … this is so depressing…. I tried so hard to hold my tears today while bidding good bye to all my colleagues, some of them even gave me a big hugs ( I love to be hugged coz it felt like I m being loved). They have been such nice person to me for the past yr and because of them life in sg is not so unbearable. I m starting to miss my job and my colleagues now….
I remember one year back when I first came to Singapore, I felt so lonely and helpless here. Everything was so new to me and they were the people who made me feel like home. I would really like to say a millions thanks to them.
Feeling very down the whole afternoon, luckily D was there to comfort me. I hv no mood to continue writing…… will update again…

I am feeling great!!! Its has been really really bz for me recently. Bz moving my stuffs to my new place, attending farewell dinners, bringing my sis around and bla bla bla. Now I m writing this blog entry in my new room, with my brand new M1 broadband. No more putting up with lagging, stolen internet connection in the future anymore haha!!!!

Before this week I was still feeling a bit blue, I guess its because of all the uncertainties. I began to enjoy my job just rite after I tender my resignation letter ( a bit late). I sort of regret giving up such a wonderful job I had. I guess if I hadn’t had such high expectation I would hv less stress and I would able to enjoy my job more last time. All the un happiness made me wonder, y do we exist, and wats the point of living when living means struggling to go through all the hardships and one day u just realized that no matter what u do, death is inevitable. This feelin just kept haunting me till last Sunday…..

Vyven n ailin brought me to SSA for the YWD celebration. I was a bit reluctant to get up so early on a Sunday and travel all the way to the east side, but once I m there I totally enjoyed myself. All the members there are so positive and full of energy, and their performances were fantastic. But wat really inspire me is a part of the lyric of a song that they sang tat day. It stated “ life exists so that we can enjoy happiness”… this sort of enlightened me. I cant help feeling that these are all pre arranged by the divine. This is song is soooooo for me. I might have heard this word before but it had nvr had such great impact on me before. I really hv to thanks my SSA fren for alws being there for me and also Wewe for introducing this faith to me…

Now tat my sis is here, life will be with more fun .. I m looking forward for it!!!

I hv been thinking a lot bout the past recently, I think its because many things and many ppl tat I met with recently sort of reminded me of all the bits n fragments of the past. They are some sweet moments and some that the taste of bitterness cannot be forgotten.

Sometime I just wish that I could let go of the past, but unfortunately I have a very good memory, I just cant take some of the incident in stride. During those time, I wasn’t being myself, and if I were to go back, I would do things to make a different of it because that’s not who I am. I ve been trying very hard to please other at the expense of myself. There are things I can never tolerate but still I hv to accept it. It’s totally against my motto of living my life the way I want. JC is right I have to be more mean!!

To let go of the past means to lose something but it also means exploring a new world. Letting go of the past means accepting that there’s nothing that I can do to change the past. So its my choice whether to carry on feeling bitter about wat I cant change or let it go n look forward for a better tomorrow

This was suppose to be posted yesterday.

Yeap, I din bunk class 2day. Thanks to my 2 French class buddies, u guys r my motivation man!!! It had been a very hectic day at work 2day, just before I was about to leave, I was called to do a viability scan. Wat a good time to call!! This gave me an extra 100 bucks pocket money this month without much effort. Luckily I was still in time to meet pc, xb and xbb ( xb bro) for dinner. Its been like ages since I last met xbb. I hv known him since sec 4, but this is the first time I actually get to tok to him in person. Hmm how to say, his personality is so different fr the person I tot he was. I tot he was an introvert but he has proven that he is exactly the opposite. Nway dinner was great, n it felt so good to be able to converse in Cantonese. I love to speak in Cantonese although mine is a bit rusty, but I hv a feeling of familiarity with person that I can speak Cantonese to, guess its because of my parent gua. During dinner they were discussing bout me. To many ppl, I alws looks very calm n steady. Even when jaywalking I can also take my own sweet time ignoring the car that r dashing towards me. ( according to pc). But ppl who really know me knew that actually I get excited very easily n I hv palpitation all the time, seems like I hv put on a a very good disguise. I figure that this is because of the requirement of my job. I hv to look confident so that my patients trust me to do a diagnosis for them. When I m working, I m totally a different person. Its like, I m clark kent in normal day but superman when working, skipping the part of goin into the phone booth to wear my red underwear outside. Tomorro’s dr chang’s day again, hope nothing spectacular will happen… bonne nuit.